Allow me to blow the dust off of BrandiSoileau.com please. It has been FAR too long since I last sat down to just write. I’ll be honest, I’ve never considered myself a strong writer, so I just sort of avoid it. When I started this online journey over 3 years ago I naively intended to just share outfits on Instagram. Then discovered you truly need a blog that is 100% your own thing, and that intimidated me. It’s still a work in progress, so thank you for bearing with me. Anyway, without further adieu, let’s dive in…
Our Story-
Schuyler and I met at the very end of 2011. Our first date was December 16th. When we met we were 26 and 30, he’s older. We were living in Colorado, working in the same very small area, and we didn’t know a soul, so we just connected and started adventuring, traveling, and exploring together. We joked that at the time I was simply looking for an activities partner, and I was happy to have him, and he was happily along for the ride. Once our realtionship and love evolved, we continued travels and exploring. Our jobs took us to a few different states and several moves over the next 4 years, so we never were quite settled. With each new city all we wanted to do in our free time was get familiar with where we were living. Rightfully so! We have now been in Dallas, TX for 3 years (longest in one place!), and only last year have we started the conversation about putting roots down, buying a house, getting married, (are you surprised that we aren’t yet? Touching more on that below.) starting a family, etc….after 9 years this month, of being together. And that’s ok. There is no one way to do life.
Our Pregnancy Journey-
Here’s where we dive into details. Since a few months before I met Schuyler I was on the depo provera birth control shot. Which I loved at the time, because I historically always had pretty terrible periods growing up. I mean, what 20-something single girl doesn’t love the idea of having no periods, no cramping, no PMS, notta?! So, because of my lifestyle I kept with the depo shot up until July of 2017. Long time. Knowing that this form of birth control came with some words of caution when one day trying to conceive I was told by my OBGYN to give myself 12-18 months to allow my body get back to “normal.” A few months went by, and January 2018 I found myself in my doctor’s office asking what I should do next since I had yet to have a period. At this point it had not been 12-18 months, but I figured there was a small chance I would maybe have started my period again sooner than she mentioned. And truthfully I was more worried about what’s going on with my body, and wanted to be sure that everything was okay. She suggested I get on birth control pills that would force my body to get on a schedule again, and that actually worked. Weird relief to finally get a period after, what, almost 7 years? I successfully stayed on BC pills for about a year and a half, and because Schuyler and I were finally having the conversation about starting a family I decided to stop taking BC in February this year. When we decided I would do this it’s almost as if I didn’t think getting pregnant would ACTUALLY happen. Crazy to type that out, knowing, that yes, I know how babies are made 😉 but it’s weird, I can’t quite explain it. We had a very busy first half of the year with looking at houses nearly everyday and preparing to move, so my mind was always kept busy and somewhat distracted. Anyway, I also downloaded the Ovia app sometime in 2019, just to get familiar with ovulation. This app helps you track your peak days, in case you aren’t familiar. And so we would be sure to “try” on those days. Month after month went by, and each time I would always start my period again. Which was ok. It’s all I knew. I don’t know that I was fully prepared for a positive test that soon anyway. So at the end of June this year I read a few articles on tips to conceive and one of the things I read suggested ovulation test strips and using a particular product that helps sperm to travel to the egg. I know, I can’t believe I’m typing this either. Anyway, I hopped online and ordered both of these products. (Message me directly for more info.) Lo and behold I was also ovulating the same week they came in. This was the first week that I used the ovulation strips, in conjunction with the above mentioned product. And, I guess it worked! Coincidentally too, this same week I went to see my General Practitioner to get bloodwork done to see where my hormone levels were. Again, just precautionary, like my OBGYN appt. in 2018. I wanted to be sure there were no issues that I wasn’t aware of. Everything did come back normal, and this is the week that I conceived. So crazy to look back and realize how all of my efforts came together in perfect harmony.
First test Second test, next day
How I Found Out-
A couple of weeks went by and Schuyler and I both traveled to Louisiana to visit my family for the first time since February. While there, he would ask me almost daily “Did you start your period yet?” always with a sly grin on his face. He was clued in to what was happening by this point after talking about it for the last several months. He was definitely thrilled at the idea of having a baby. There would be no surprising him. I would always answer with “not yet” and brush it off, since I knew it was common to start 1-2 days late, which was where we were at the time he was asking. On the 5th day of not starting my period I took a pregnancy test first thing in the a.m. (I had bought these months prior just in case) and it was POSITIVE. Really early in the morning I had to get up to pee so I wanted to know right then and there. I immediately hopped back in bed next to sleeping Schuyler and didn’t mention it for the rest of the day. The next morning I took a second one, bright and early again, just to be sure, and it also was a very obvious “pregnant.” This is when the initial “freak out” set in. Yes, I am 34 years old (when I wrote this, now 35), yes I knew what I was doing, but like most women without children, up until this point, I’ve only known a life where I make decisions mostly just for myself and for my plans. And that hit me after seeing the positive tests. Remember everything above? Yeah, my goals were mostly about life enjoyment- travel, sleeping in, fun patio brunches, trying new restaurants, listening to live music, etc., but also making sure we are financially stable, buying a house, putting some roots down, getting engaged, married, and THEN we’ll talk about babies. Financial security has always been very important to me, so this is usually at the forefront of every decision I make. Without going into details it’s been a very taxing year in that regard. So this baby truly feels like the best gift we’ve received after a really trying year. We pray daily that we will have a breakthrough and can get our home (and a nursery, hello!) well before baby arrives, and I have full faith in this.
After leaving my family’s home in Louisiana we drove to Alabama to see my mom and sister for a few days until it was time to go to the beach for Schuyler’s annual family vacation. The first day we were there Schuyler and I planned to drive down to the beach for just the day, and from the moment I woke up I kept thinking “I need to tell him.” Didn’t help that he asked me yet again if I started my period about 15 minutes before I ended up telling him haha. So, with like 30 minutes to spare while he showered and got dressed I googled cute ways to tell your S.O. you are pregnant, and stumbled upon the below. Spelling it out in fruit! This was my best attempt, and yes, you are ok to laugh. I did, and still do, looking at this picture. I’ll also share the video I filmed of him reading the plate…it’s hysterical. And so, the rest of the day he could not stop smiling. I had my first non-alcoholic frozen drink at the beach this day, too. Yippee.
“there is just time & what you choose to do with it.”
naramdil
Now, I want to just chat heart to heart here. I’ve had this entire blog post sitting in my drafts for at least three months and go back and forth weekly if I should share such a vulnerable and personal story. By sharing, this opens myself up to a lot of judgment from behind screens, everywhere. But, I want to bring awareness to and normalize ALL emotions about pregnancy and becoming a first time mom. I hope to resonate with at least one of you. It’s important to realize you can feel conflicting feelings… at the same time. Read that again. What I mean is that you can feel a “negative” way about something, for me, shocked/anxious/is this really happening/whoa, but also would never, ever wish it away. Does that make sense? These conflicting feelings can coexist. I want it to be known that immensely grateful is what I feel, and I understand truly what a miracle it is to get pregnant, but I want to give you a glimpse into the path it took for me personally to get to this point. Several of my close friends have started families years before me, and with not living near them I never experienced firsthand pregnancy, babies, etc. Because of this I sort of felt like my ship sailed, the desire to have a baby had moved past me, or maybe it never hit me, and I was ok with that. I wanted to of course be married first, own a home, be financially stable, and then bring new life into the world, if that is what would happen. But we all know the way God works is not following OUR plan, but HIS plan, and for that I have had to remind myself to let go and let be. After living through this year’s chaos I am quickly reminded that life rarely goes perfectly how we want it to, and guess what? We all come out of the mess, we can still be happy and live a good life, and that’s where our peace lies. All Schuyler & I can think about now is that we can not wait until we’re holding this precious baby in our arms, ready to flood their tiny body with way too much love. And if I can leave you with one peaceful piece of advice, it’s this: Trust your own timing and don’t allow what society or everyone else says is the way to do life. I happened to choose 35 as my age limit for my first child simply because I never felt ready until now, plus I’m aware that once you turn 35 you’re considered having a “gestational maturity” pregnancy, or what used to be called geriatric age…which just sounds awful haha. It really means more complications could happen, so I wanted to keep that in mind when making our decision of starting a family.
Making a decision to have a child– it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”– Elizabeth Stone
I am wrapping up another blog post about my first trimester and will share soon. My experience involved so many things I knew absolutely nothing about. So if you’re the same way, you’ll definitely want to read it! Please let me know if I can answer any questions for you. I hope that this post has helped at least one of you that may be going through the same life stages and feelings. On the contrary, and most importantly, I want it to be known that it is not lost on me that so many couples have different struggles in conceiving and starting families than I have, and my heart truly aches for you. I respect all of our different journeys and I want to support you.
